Impact of Carbon Emissions on My Beard

I think by now we all know that carbon emissions cause global warming, er, I mean climate change. By now the data are incontrovertible and 9 out of 10 scientists whose entire livelihood is predicated on the existence of anthroprogenic climate change are in agreement. Case settled; no need to spend more time on it.

But, I have discovered a far more insidious impact of increased carbon emissions. First, examine this chart, which shows United States energy-related CO2 emissions over the last 60 years. Please take particular note of the 20-year time period from 1988 to 2008. As I read the graph, CO2 emissions increased an astonishing 30% in just that 20-year window.

Now, look at this picture of me, taken in Maine in the summer of 1988. It’s a little grainy, but you can still see me clearly. Notice that my beard is a gentle brown color.

Picture of me taken in 1988

And, then look at this picture of me, taken in Maine in the summer of 2008.

Picture of me taken in 2008

The data clearly demonstrate, with no room for debate, that increasing carbon emissions caused my beard to turn gray. As my loyal readers know, I have historically been a skeptic of the environmental agenda, but now that I see the impact our poor stewardship of the environment has had on my beard, I’m on board with the movement. I wonder, if we cut carbon emissions, will my beard revert to its former brown hue? 9 out of 10 scientists I consulted promised me it would.

In my next post, I plan to carefully analyze all the data, correlations, and causations to determine if, indeed, carbon emissions also caused my hair to fall out.

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About Bruce Robertson

Bruce Robertson is an amateur writer and professional provocateur
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2 Responses to Impact of Carbon Emissions on My Beard

  1. sproulelove says:

    I can’t think of a better reason for you come up to New York City for the 350.org rally this fall:

    http://act.350.org/signup/readytomarch

    I’ll give you $50 for those glasses!

  2. Mary says:

    Haha… this is funny.
    Here’s the link of the blog I mentioned tonight: http://themattwalshblog.com/

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