Redskins Name Tony Romasco as New Head Coach

From the Washington Post

Tony Romasco, seen here in his last coaching job with the 1979 Yorktown Patriots, sends the play in during a close game against McLean High school (Getty Images)

Tony Romasco, seen here in his last coaching job with the 1979 Yorktown Patriots, sends the play in during a close game against McLean High school (Getty Images)

In a move that surprised some NFL insiders, former Yorktown High School (Arlington, Virginia) Patriots head coach, Anthony Romasco, has been named to the Washington Redskins’ vacant head coaching job. Despite Romasco having never coached above the high school level and having only coached perennially losing high school teams, Redskins’ owner, Little Daniel Snyder, is making the case that Romasco is perfect for the job. “Let’s face it,” Snyder said yesterday from his Potomac, Maryland estate, “Coach ‘Masco is a real dope. But, we view that as a positive. We’ve reviewed hundreds of hours of microfiche from the late 1970s Yorktown teams and he was obviously clueless. I think he’ll fit right into Redskins nation.”

For his part, Romasco is also excited about the coaching opportunity. “Last time I coached football, I had Herbie Mancini as my starting quarterback. Herb was a real gamer, but he was only 5’6” and couldn’t remotely see past the line of scrimmage. Apparently, they got this kid on the Redskins named Argee Three who’s pretty dang good, but also not the tallest guy in the world. I still have the plays I wrote for Herbie in my files so I think I’m pretty much set to go.”

Some Redskins insiders were also surprised by the move. “I thought they might hire a guy with some pro coaching experience, or at least someone from the college ranks. I didn’t think they’d dip all the way into the high school coaching pool,” said former Redskins GM Vinny Cerrato. “But, I have nothing but respect for Dan Snyder as the consummate football man. I am sure he uncovered a real diamond in the rough with Coach ‘Masco.”

Others were less sure the move was the right one for the Skins. “Don’t get me wrong, hiring a high school coach could make a lot of sense for this team,” commented Hall of Fame Redskins running back John Riggins. “I just thought they might hire someone with more recent experience and, uh, maybe a winning record in high school.”

While this paper has had trouble getting exact statistics for Romasco’s coaching career due to the lack of an Internet when Romasco coached his last game for Yorktown, we have been able to dig up some stats. According to the 1979 Grenadier, the annual yearbook of Yorktown High School, Romasco’s Patriots turned in a 1-9 campaign that season. However, the Grenadier also noted that the team’s lone victory over McLean High School was “a thriller.” That same edition of the Grenadier also noted that Romasco’s 1979 Patriots received “tremendous fan support and caravans to all away games.” One source, who requested anonymity for this article, indicated that the caravans to away games were “more about the Schlitz beer and weed than the game, but, yes, we did get at least as far as the parking lot at the away games.”

Many football insiders believe Romasco will have a difficult time rebuilding the 3-13 Redskins due to lack of depth and very few picks in the upcoming draft. The Redskins traded either three or four picks to the Rams for the right to draft Argee Three. Romasco, however, seemed unconcerned. “I’ve been on the phone nonstop since I got the nod as Skins head coach. I have already reached Joe Dooley, Doug Wiley, Jimmy Palmer, Steve Wingate, Jonathan Adams, Iman Poeraatmadja, and Ed Sadauskas. These guys played their hearts out on my ’79 Yorktown team so I’m bringing ‘em all back.” When this reporter pointed out that these players were all now in their early 50’s and mostly out of shape and overweight, Romasco seemed confused and unable to address the question.

For his part, Little Daniel Snyder has promised Coach ‘Masco “full control of all football decisions.” He went on to say, “Hey man, I’m serious. I’m bringing in a very experienced football guy. If he thinks the best thing for the Redskins is bringing back his old high school guys from the late 70’s, then that’s what this football team will do.”

In a related story, sales of replica Yorktown High School jerseys are now available for $129.99 in the Redskins merchandise stores.

 

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About Bruce Robertson

Bruce Robertson is an amateur writer and professional provocateur
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7 Responses to Redskins Name Tony Romasco as New Head Coach

  1. Rick Maines says:

    This story would only be better if it were announcing him as the Washington National’s head coach instead of Matt Williams. After all, he took a Yorktown baseball team that won 7 games with only two seniors and almost all sophomores then managed to win I think 5 games in two years. His most famous pearl of wisdom of instruction was to shade the sun with your throwing hand not the glove hand. With coaching like that, I can’t understand why we weren’t better.

  2. Hadley Chunder says:

    I love Dan Snyder. I’d rather have his face as our national seal than the bald eagle.

  3. Everything on this page is untrue. He has nothing to do with the redskins. And never will want anything to do with the redskins.

    • Colby,

      Thanks for commenting on my blog. Your last name makes you a particularly interesting contributor to this conversation. Are you related to THE Tony Romasco? How can you be sure this blog wasn’t true? Doesn’t it seem plausible that the Redskins would hire a former HS coach and bring in a bunch of 50 year old guys to play pro football? It seems totally logical to me. No way this blog could possibly be a parody.

  4. Colby says:

    Take this off immidiatly or I will report this to the police an they will get in contact with the Washington redskins

    • Colby,

      Thanks again for commenting. Before you call the police, you might consider using spell check! Also, I’m not a lawyer, but I am wondering what charges you would level at me if you did call the cops. Would you charge me with not being funny enough b/c a lot of folks thought this blog was pretty darn funny. Would you charge me with falsely accusing Dan Snyder of being a dope? I think I can prove that with lots of witnesses. I’m not trying to talk you out of calling the police immidiatly [sic], but I would like some time to prepare my defense.

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