Seat Switcheroo

In a prior blog post, I made it very clear to other travelers that they should never ever ever ask me to give up my aisle seat so that they can sit with their friend/colleague/lover. I hate window seats. And, I really don’t give a shit if you sit with your preferred travel companion. If you had wanted to sit with him/her, you should have booked sooner. Simply not my problem. Furthermore, aisle seats are clearly more valuable than window seats. If you doubt me, just look on the seating chart for any flight. The aisles are always taken before the windows. So, if you really want me to switch, don’t ask for an even swap, aisle for window. Offer me your window seat plus $500 and we’ll see where it goes from there.

So, when I boarded my connecting flight from Dallas to San Diego tonight, after a long day, you can imagine how receptive I was to a seat switch request. I had my first class upgrade. I had my aisle seat.  In fact, I had 5B, which is my favorite aisle seat in first class on a 737. Life was good.

But, sure enough, the woman in the window seat next to me boarded the flight after me and said, “Would you prefer a window seat?” Oh, gee, what a nice offer. What’s coming next, an offer to squirt Purell in my face? I politely replied, “No thanks, I’m good where I am.” She mentioned that her husband was in 6F and it would be nice to sit together. She was polite to me so I opted not to read her the riot act about how wildly unreasonable her implied request to move was. In fact, I decided to be funny and said, “My wife would kill for 3 hours apart from me on a plane.” Ha ha ha ha.

She didn’t laugh. In fact, she said as she sat, “Well, I just don’t want to fall asleep on a stranger.” Now, I’m not gonna lie here. If she had been a hot 25 year old, that comment might have come across as a possible bonus for the Dallas to San Diego leg. But, alas, she was, um, not. I started to get the feeling the aisle to window switch debate was no more decided than the Obamacare debate is.  As she strapped in, she turned to me and said, “If I cough a lot, don’t worry. It’s just a sinus infection and I’m not contagious any more.” Upon which, she launched into a hyperventilating coughing fit.

I was sitting in 6F within 15 seconds and she was resting her congested head serenely on her hubby’s shoulder. Well played, lady in 5A. Well played.

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About Bruce Robertson

Bruce Robertson is an amateur writer and professional provocateur
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One Response to Seat Switcheroo

  1. I love this blog. I am going to have to remember to be the coughing old lady to get what I want on the plane. Thanks.

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