Not So Much About Biotechnology (Really!)

I’m a little bit giddy this week. For reasons that are way too confidential to disclose, I had my record number of hits on my blog this week, with “Do You Need an iPad” and “Oh Christmas Card, Oh Christmas Card.” Which is to say, my readership went from 2 to 6. That got me thinking – why stop at 6? Is it possible that, just maybe, OK I’m going to say it, just maybe I will become a world famous author? Dreams of Dickens danced in my head. Visions of Grisham flashed before my eyes. I started planning my worldwide blog tour, stopping in coffee shops and Apple Stores around the globe to autograph adoring fans’ laptops. Then, my buddy Matt threw a wet blanket on the whole thing. You see, we had some friends over for a Christmas Eve Eve party last night and my good buddy (or so I thought) Matt was there. As one of my closest friends, I asked if he had been reading my blog. Shit, if you can’t get your closest pals to read your endless electronic drivel, then what possible chance do you have for world-famous blog status. He had never once read it. I admit I was taken aback by this sobering reality check. After all, I send Matt several e-mails a week with the tagline:



Visit my blog at

How is it that Matt, my close friend and confidant, wasn’t following such a simple link to total spiritual, political, athletic, and flatulatory enlightenment?

“Dude, why the hell would I want to read about biotechnology?”

“Uh? Biotechnology, what the hell are you talking about, dude?”

Without a doubt, one of the ways we 40 something guys stay young is to talk like our teenage sons. Calling each other “dude” is an integral part of that.

“Dude, isn’t your blog all about biotechnology or biochemistry or whatever the hell it is you do for a living?” Matt chided.

Light bulb! Flashing! Got it! My readership is hovering in the low single digits because all my possible adoring fans think I’m blogging about the molecular basis of histiocytic necrotizing lymphadenitis and it’s possible co-morbidity with iliac lymphadenopathy. Matt – I owe you, dude. I need to make my tagline more clear to encourage all those would-be readers to come spend the day on my site. From now on, my tagline will be:

Visit my blog at  (I blog about farts, sports  -especially to make fun of the evil Dallas Cowboys, shit that happens to me when I travel, and things that annoy liberals. Never biochemistry. Please come visit.)

Thanks Matt, er, dude.

About Bruce Robertson

Bruce Robertson is an amateur writer and professional provocateur
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3 Responses to Not So Much About Biotechnology (Really!)

  1. Screw that! I keep waiting for the necrotizing lymphadenitis. See ya!

  2. Jules says:

    whew! glad I don’t have to pull out my college chem books – that would just be boring all over again.
    revisiting the fart entry now.

  3. Dan says:

    Waiting for more blogs about farts (that I can agree with) and liberals (that I can disagree with).

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