When I started this blog, I said I would write about some of the little things that annoy me. By now, you’ve probably figured out that liberal politicians annoy me. But, that’s Annoy with a capital “A” because they are destroying this great nation. Today, I need to vent about something that annoys me with a lower case “a.”
I travel a lot. This year has been particularly bad. The only upside to my extensive travel is that my airline status on AA gets me free upgrades to first class about 95% of the time. So, at least I’m not back there with the common folk (kidding – just kidding). I also usually get my preference, which is an aisle seat, not in the bulkhead row. I’m a little bit claustrophobic, I drink a lot of water on planes (and the occasional vodka or 4), and I have a bladder the size of a walnut. I do not want to wake up some dude on the aisle four times to get up and pee between DC and Miami.
Three times in the last month, I’ve had people get on and give me some variant of “I’m traveling with my husband/wife/lover/business partner/schoolmate/etc. – we’re in different rows – would you please switch seats so we can sit together?” Then, you find out they’re offering to trade a window seat for your aisle seat. And, if you say no, YOU’RE the douchebag. So what, I’m starting to get some spine and say no.
A quick look at the seating diagram of any flight makes it very clear that aisle seats are far more popular than window seats (thankfully, up in the front of the bus, there’s no such thing as the intolerable middle seat). Yeah, there are a few large bladdered, non-claustrophobic types who prefer the window, but they are outnumbered by us small bladdered claustrophobes like 10-1. Sooooo, when you ask me to trade your window for my aisle, you’re asking me to trade something of high value for something of demonstrably lower value…..for free. Just because you want to sit next to your husband so you can be closer to his snoring breath for the next 2 hours and 16 minutes?
Here’s my question to all you seat switchers – if you show up at a Yankee Stadium with your spouse and you have seats in the upper deck that are not together, and see a couple of dudes sitting in the front row behind home plate who appear not to know each other, would you ask them to move to the upper deck so you can sit with your spouse behind home plate? No difference. Trade a great seat for a crappy seat just to be nice.
This is a TOTALLY UNREASONABLE REQUEST. You’re the one that should feel like a douchebag for asking. So, here’s my suggestion. Either don’t ask or offer a fair trade. There is definitely a price at which I’ll suffer a window seat for a few hours. Since I may end up negotiating with one of you on a future flight, I decline to disclose my price, but it may rhyme with “meveral kundred follars.” So, offer me your window seat and some dough and we may have a deal. Until then, sit down in your window seat and shut up.